did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
