i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
