There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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