So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I met the friendliest cop last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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