I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize