I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
