were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
