don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
