I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
