when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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