I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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