at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
