Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
