i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
