You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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