The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
