I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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