Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
