Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
