Can Purell be used as lube?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
