so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
