what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did i walk over a car last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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