Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
