I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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