Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
