I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
