She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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