Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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