i jhust puked up my retainher.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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