Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
