Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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