I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Please don't give away my fajitas
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