that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
