She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
