The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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