Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
