Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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