His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
