This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
