i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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