last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
