its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
