I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize