then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
