I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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