Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ok first of all what the fuck
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
