He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's never too late to be topless.
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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