it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
