The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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