3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
