Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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