So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize