Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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