he puts the penis in happiness.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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