you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
