someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
