Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
