Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
