I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
