As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
