I got chris browned last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
